I cried to my grandparents today
a first for me
my father’s parents, who died
before I was born 
never heard their voices
felt their touch 
never knew where they were
even buried until recently 

I cried to my grandparents today
they never had a shoulder
they could offer
neither ever rocked me
to sleep, or just for comfort
never dried one of my tears
until today 

I cried to my grandparents today
planned the pilgrimage 
located their resting place
traversed half the country 
bus, train, Uber. By foot.
all in search of two people
I never met 
could never know
was never told much about

I cried to my grandparents today
reaching their graves 
after thirty years of searching 
wondering where
wondering why 
so many whys, so many ways 
things could have
should have been different

I cried to my grandparents today
the last mile
hiking deep into
expansive burial ground
beneath merciless July sun 
finding their shared stone in 
prescribed spot, pristine 
Long Island cemetery 
and I stopped.
And I cried.
Until it was all out 
whatever it was 
catharsis of 
so much, so many, so long 

I cried to my grandparents today
laying there in the grass
until I sat up
introduced myself
thanked them for being 
for begetting my dad
for myself, I guess 
before 
honoring tradition of Jews
for millennia 
I left rocks atop 
their shared marker
small stones from the old
slum location they once 
called home in Minnesota
the place my father was born 
then I sat there longer
beneath intense, New York sun
ninety minutes
reflective conversation, quiet
until they said it was 
okay to leave
I needed that permission

I cried to my grandparents today
for the first time ever
aged sixty-five 
pilgrimage complete
I said my heartfelt goodbyes
leaving their 
covering fescue 
freshly watered with 
newfound grandson tears
three small stones left atop
their granite marker
only then could I proudly 
walk away
leaving the tears 
which left me 
so much lighter


– Mark L. Lucker
© 2024